I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
