Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
