Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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