Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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