She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
