Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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