Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
