If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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