Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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