Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
