mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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