Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
