why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
