The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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