One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
