When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
