once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
