We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
