tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize