You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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