i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
