im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i dont even know how to be here
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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