Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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