You work out of a Hotel?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
