What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
