Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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