She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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