I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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