ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
