do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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