I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
