whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
please don't ironically join a cult
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