I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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