I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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