i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
