Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
