CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
