I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
