im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
