If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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