at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
