we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
