I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
