Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
