You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
