who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
