dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize