i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A+ Viking dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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