I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
