Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
