I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
me + whiskey = a bad person
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
