i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
