JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
