tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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