Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
