great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize