my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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