Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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