I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
