I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
