just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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