I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
