im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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