just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
