its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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