It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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