She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
