it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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